"i've made a huge mistake"
i find myself saying that a lot lately. not so much that i'm messing up my life path (that's something i'm totally not doing anymore thank goodness) but the more i sit down and think about it more the more i think about people who come and go from your life.some of those people left your life for a reason. some of those reasons are uncontrollable. some of those reasons you or both might have had a hand in the situations you are in now. i come to conclusion that over the past five or six years i really started to gravitate towards certain people and friends. thank goodness i have such amazing friends that do date back to a much simpler time in our lives but alas we're all pretty much separated for better or worse.
the point i'm really getting into is and this is going to sound awful is: my birthday was yesterday. now with the help of social networks everyone knows when your birthday is. its always pretty interesting to me to see who says happy birthday. not so much that i enjoy the ego boost for the day but think about it: someone you've not talked to in ages like someone who is gone in and out of your life takes a second out of their day to say something to you.
the flip side to that is (and again this sounds really, really weird) what if you want to reconnect to someone who didn't say anything to you? i've never been a fan of making moves on anyone or really anything but it got me thinking of someone i've not seen or heard from since well things took a turn for the worse a few months back. i'm not trying to say i don't appreciate someone from highschool i've not talked to or seen in five years who wishes a happy birthday but what do you do when secretly you wanted someone to just so you had a platform to talk to them again?
this is a weird cross roads i'm at. been having dreams about someone from not to far back in the past. sure it was a brief period in my life, and life rolled on when she came and went but when you walk under someones doorstep drunk almost every weekend and march on down the street home it makes you wonder... deep down i want to run into her at her stop but at the same time i'd be petrified of what to say.
maybe i could just start with: "maybe we both were wrong and maybe we both made a huge mistake"
posted by nicholas b. @ 11:15 PM
