anyways been in nyc for about a week and a half. part of it feels like it went by fast, another feels like its been an entirety.

entirety because i'm away from the most important person in my life. facing the grim realties till spring scares me. my life is like a huge puzzle, in 2005 they all got shook up. it took me 3 years of self discovery, losing friends, finding old ones, going to manhattan to put me where i am now. the puzzle is now together, minus one piece in the middle. heres the thing though, the piece is in my hand. i know where it is. i know it means everything, it solves the puzzle the picture that is the puzzle is now complete.

unfortunately for me that one piece i can't put down for some reason. i don't know if in 2 years or however many years go by i'll see have it or anything. the point i'm trying to make is 4 years. it's been over 4 years since i've had this piece. thats over 1,460 days. think about it, you've gotten up and gone to bed that many times. the sun has gone up and gone down that many times.

what its boiling down to is i got over the past. the problem is i want the future too much now.